A genuine journey

New Blog

2011-09-14T14:08:00.000-05:00

Alrighty. I'm retiring this blog. It was fun, but now onto something new and fresh.

Go here to see and follow my new blog.

Thanks everyone for the support. See ya on the other side. :)

Jen

Why?

2011-09-13T00:37:00.001-05:00

Where to begin...I've been putting this post off for quite awhile. Actually lets be honest I was never going to talk about what I'm about to bring up. But because I think I've finally made some progress in these areas I'm no longer ashamed to admit them.

"In order to write something, you must write what you know." I always thought that was right. When you believe you don't really have the know how on much, you end up never writing anything. The more I ponder that trail of thinking I find less truth in it. Humans have never slayed dragons, visited far away planets or explored the center of the earth. No, what drives a story is emotion, heart. Love, ~~hate,~~ compassion, ~~vengeance~~ they are the driving forces to our actions. To simply "know" something isn't enough. We must be compelled to take action. What would love be if you felt no passion toward the other? A tomb. All those emotions give us life.

Life is hard and if they are telling you any different they are trying to sell you something. We enjoy watching movies, seeing plays and reading tales of struggle because at least when its there you know the story will have to make sense. Otherwise no one would waste their time following along.

That is the main difference between reality and fiction. The latter has to make sense. A writer would never get away with explaining things away simply by saying "because I wrote it that way." Are you kidding me?! We the readers are intelligent and demand more. Why? Because we can't make those demands in reality. I look back on the narrative of my own life thus far and a lot of it still doesn't seem to fit. I hope to not only know why but to truly understand what was the point of some of this.

Case and point:

People die daily. Some peacefully, and others not...but rarely do we physically witness such an event in this culture. Last month I lost my aunt...to even think of that night makes me shudder. There was no peace in her passing. Screaming through the heavy amounts of pain, her body finally gave out.

Sometimes I ~~regret~~ going down to the hospital that night. The room was completely trashed. Gloves, cotton balls, and wrappers from needles covered the floor. The doctors and nursers tried everything they knew...but to no avail.

Why? Its the fundamental question that sets us apart from all other creatures that walk this planet. We want meaning. I want to know why. I was angry. More like livid. But I was never going to admit it or talk about it, because a good God fearing woman would never be angry at God for what took place. I understand that God is sovereign, and that he was a bigger plan...but this just was unnecessary in my mind.

Needless to say I've been really hurt and pissed at God. I know that when everyone would ask how I was doing I would say fine. Because in my mind...there is no reason to talk about something that I can't change. Like me being single. Single for 24 friggin years. Knowing your the oldest ones out of your friends and the only one driving home alone...I don't know why...nor do I want to discuss it or have the pity of someone saying "sorry". Now granted I know its not really pity and that most of you would sincerely mean it....but because I don't want the attention on me or look weak I will deny that anything is wrong every time. Pride much? lol

So this past Saturday night I went to Awakening(worship service my friends started a year ago.) I had been kinda avoiding all contact with God for awhile...okay not kinda I was. Well I finally had it out with Him. Ya, ya, ya I know what your thinking...how un-Christian. Well I'm not perfect. I'm just trying to follow a man/Gods actions that I rarely fully understand.

Did I end up getting my answer? ~~No.~~

But I learned about trust....and how much I don't. I have a long road ahead...but at least I feel like I'm alive again. "I rather be in a comma, then a full stop."-Coldplay. Amen

Alrighty so here is my heart, exposed for you all to see...all on the worldwide web. How lame. lol

I'm super surprised if you read all that. Not because I think low of myself(I think I'm awesome, remember? Jk. ~~No really~~) ;) More because it was long and probably not sectioned very well. Oh well, you'll get over it. lol Time for bed. G'nite.

Theatrical Thursdays

2011-09-08T22:43:00.002-05:00

Les Miserables(The miserable ones)

I watched the movie with Liam Neeson years ago and I loved it. Tonight I decide to watch the 25th anniversary of the musical. Its long...but its wonderful! Here is a quick synopsis-

This musical is based on the novel by Victor Hugo which was published 1862. It is the longest running musical of all time, starting in 1985. It follows the lives of an ex convict who just served 19 years in prison. It is his story of redemption. I highly recommend the movie and the musical. Here is the trailer for the movie. Check it out and let me know what you thought.

Belief

2011-08-15T20:47:00.002-05:00

Disclaimer: I am not perfect nor do I claim to be. These are just some humble thoughts of mine.

There are so many quotes that I've had swirling through my brain lately.

I reached a breaking point Saturday night. I did my usual get ready for sleep routine, crawled into bed and waited for my brain to shut off. That moment never came....instead I filled with anger...rage. I was playing scenes in my head how I would get my day of revenge. Finally be able to tell off all the ones that have hurt me within the last year. Tell them what I really think of their "christian" beliefs they claim to base their lives around. Or more so hide behind.

Needless to say God and I had it out. A come to Jesus moment is literally what happened. I usually don't talk about my private prayer life...but I want to make a point.

Love. And I'm not talking about the bull crap "christianese love"...like this "Hey lets hang out this week." Only to never make an effort. Ever.

The world doesn't need any more broken promises, made by people who claim to have the truth.

Start acting on what you actually believe. When you say "Hey lets hang out.." make sure you mean it before you say it. Or when you go around posting "truth" on the Internet not to portray a fake "rainbows and butterflies" christian view of the world.

Lies. The world has had enough. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

This verse is vital. Why? Because Jesus is the ONLY reason. For anything. We can do ~~nothing~~ outside of him.

With that said, now is the time to differentiate what we claim to be truth and what you really hold as a belief.

Its a journey...and mine has only begun.

2011-07-24T23:52:00.003-05:00

"Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you."

Sometimes you have those moments in life...and they just suck. Awful. Not trying to be all angst. But I think one post a year won't kill anyone. Having a moment where you just wanna give up. (Not on life as a whole, but dreams.) Rather say its never going to happen then continue to fight.

"The sun will not go down on my soul. You hold everlasting life, it rests upon your very lips. You own my everything. Regardless of what my flesh screams. My soul will sing, even if it all stays the same. For the sun will not go down on my soul."

I'm home!

2011-07-14T17:21:00.003-05:00

Where do I start?

The trip was nothing that I expected because this time I can truly say I went in with no expectations... And it was incredible.

I catch myself getting teary eyed whenever I think about it... We did everything from playing a simple game of Ninja to a moment during devotion where there was not a dry tear in the place. These girls taught me so much. Go to my facebook to see all the pictures...I may put up a page of just pics a little later.

Here is a little piece from my journal

"To be surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses...I lay in this open sun in complete awe of Gods redemptive power. Being abandoned by your own family, growing up in such an evil enviornment, cutting your hair to dressing like a boy just so you are left alone...then with out any preperation you are kicked out...and the world expects everything from you.

The Lord led these girls to Cory and Diana...they are such great parents and leaders to these young women. Slowly the Lord is healing and setting these young women free.

While we were there we all got the opportunity to lead a devotion...before we went left we sent what we thought the Lord wanted us to talk about. Mine was testimony. And I'm just now coming to grips what that means...

What are you testifying the Lord has done for you? What has God freed you from?

More thoughts on this later. Gotta go...Going to see Monte Carlo with the girls.

Funny story...

2011-06-16T19:37:00.002-05:00

The setup is (without being graphic) I'm in the shower, covered in suds and hair full of shampoo. I'm done shaving and I go to put my razor on the little soap holder on the wall...you know what I"m talking about. When out. of no. where. The entire holder and all the tile come crashing down. Off the wall!! I stood there in shock covered in suds. I started busting out laughing! I didnt know what else to do..I couldnt finish my shower so I jumped out and ran into the other shower to finish washing off....all this to say we found out the dry wall behind the tile wasn't very...well dry. It had basically rotted away. And my mom had just finished earlier in the day repainting the entire bathroom. Sad day.

Well it was funny. haha I wish I could have seen my face...I guess the tile couldnt take the beauty of my amazing physique. haha Jk

Also today is the one year anniversary of Palmer Laine Maphet going home to see the Lord. My heart goes out to his family and friends. What a great guy whom gave so much and inspired so many.

peace

2011-06-15T19:16:00.002-05:00

Owl city. I'm loving him right now.

Alright so I've tried not to talk about anything very personal on here..because its the world wide web and I don't want the whole world reading my thoughts...so with out getting too deep, here are some rambling I've had going through my head lately.

Been doing a lot of thinking about my relationships with others...and to put it plainly I have more patience and grace with non-believers than believers. Partly to do with my past experiences with not just believers but those in "ministry" screwing me over.(Im not saying I was perfect..because the Lord knows I was not. lol) Time and time again.

All has been forgiving. How do I know? Because whenever I see them or run into them my mood doesn't change. What happened between us no longer has a hold over me. Now granted it takes time...the first time it took waaayyy to long.(that was my fault) But after that it got a little easier. But still I dunno its like I always say..."they should friggin know better."

What happened to love? I'm not talking about being passive on things. But pick your battles. Whether its a theological issue or a personal conviction. Pick your battles.

If its the first...this is my filter. If it doesn't change the two commandments "Love the Lord your God with everything and love your neighbor as yourself." I. Dont. Care. I'm not saying I don't enjoy discussing such topics because you know I do...but what I hate is when people start judging the other and thinking less of them for their belief. At the point you are simply serving yourself.

If its the personal conviction. First thing is do. not. do. it. around. them. Thats called respect and love. (ha I so fail at this.) And if they continue to tell you what your doing is sin...and wanna cram their personal conviction on you...thats when you have the right to slap the crap out of them. Why? "because the redeemed of the Lord say "so!" (its okay to laugh. lol)

Oh you like how I'm not using any scripture to back up my belief? haha because with or without I'm still right. lol Or maybe its just because I'm lazy.

And with non-believers I just think..."well they don't know better." One because they don't have the Lord and also contrary to popular belief "common sense" is not common. That goes for everyone. Some people are just stupid. haha (I can be included in that form time to time.)

alright time to end this rambling.

12 days to go. Holy cow I'm so stinking excited.

peace

2011-06-12T20:17:00.002-05:00

I friggin love my church. Can I say that?

My pastor is incredible in understanding what we as the body of Christ have been called to do. Not a Sunday passes where he puts this world in perspective. We are not here for ourselves. We are here for the lost. I am so excited about this trip coming up. "Change in geography, usually means a change in your heart."-my pastor. How true is that? This is going to be epic. lol

With that said...I'm not going to wait to grow. There are things in my life that need to change. And I'm going to try to do my part now. Its going to mostly effect how I spend my time. Its going to be hard...but it must be done. Alright this great weekend is coming to an end. I must get home and get ready for the week ahead. Peace.

We have been chosen.
We have been called.
What is your response?

The trumpet has sounded.
War is among is.
How will you act?

Pick up your sword.
You have a destiny to live.
A victory to be won.

Will you go?

Crafts!

2011-05-25T15:39:00.009-05:00

Okay so I've always been a secret crafty person. With moving back home I was able to put some final touches on my bedroom. I bought an antique vanity about a year ago and this is what it looked like...

Fire engine red. Yuk.... so I decided to repaint it...

Before and after.

I also had a couple of picture frames that I redid to match my room...I like the way they turned out. lol

Here's a final look at my "cozy" (small) lol new room. :)

So yep...I'm a craft nerd. Alright Opera's last show is on.
Peace.

#Good life

2011-05-22T22:16:00.010-05:00

I've had OneRepublic on repeat for awhile now. If you haven't checked out their newest album, it is a must.

My sister graduated HS last Friday. This is Chelsea and I with her afterwards.
Super proud!

Last week I got several texts from some of my kids from my old youth group that I used to be the girls leader of and they asked if we could hang out. I of course said yes.

Eric thought he was going to beat me.

But then Iron man (Katie), Spiderman (Hannah) came to my rescue and brought peace. haha

Also this week I received a text from Emily MacDonald if I was free to volunteer at Cottage Cove. Its a non-profit after school program that helps tutor, grow and encourage young kids from kindergarten to high school. Go here for more info http://www.cottagecove.org/

Precious girl.

Alright I'm out. Sleep is calling me and I have a lovely work day tomorrow. Peace.

We Are Pencils of Promise

2011-05-18T00:11:00.002-05:00

I love this whole idea!! I tried to download this whole blog kit of pictures and more info about this amazing organization but my computer is being dumb. So just go here: Help out if you can! http://www.pencilsofpromise.org/

2011-05-10T17:49:00.007-05:00

Sorry I've been neglecting this. I haven't had Internet at our apartment. Comcast decided to shut...Oh my! I'm sitting here at starbucks and some guy went in to take a sip of his coffee and the lid came off and the foam went all over his face...hehe. I had no one to share this moment with so I'm telling you. :) Alright back to what I was saying. Comcast shut off our Internet early...stupid.

Oh! My Aunt Judy whom had been in the hospital for over 70+ days is now home which is incredible. Praise the LordT! Also we found out my dad got a job again. Woop! Its a full time permanent position which is awesome!
My sister graduates High School this Friday! I'm super proud and excited for her! Also have I mentioned I'm moving this Thursday?! Two days...and I have sorta packed. lol

48 days till Romania! Woop.

I think this computer is getting ready to die...its soo slow. bleh. I can't wait till I'm able to buy a new one. Mac land here I come.

This sums up a lot of my thoughts lately. :)

Peace.

2011-05-04T19:12:00.009-05:00

Lets do this thang. I went to work then came home and took a five hour nap...and I didn't mean to do that. Ha.

(I'm still raising money for my Romania trip! Btw. I'll have more details on a later post. But until then, you can donate right here <<<<<<) Thanks!!

Okay so lets back up to Sunday. So friggin much happened. Spent the day in Dover (which I covered in an earlier post.) Here's a photo I forgot that Chelsea took of my excitement over the cobbler and pie.

If you didn't know. Osama or Usama(If your fox news) has been killed. I was actually at my parents house when I found out. My sister came down the stairs yelling why aren't you watching the news he's dead. We switched the channel and began watching America respond to the news. The funniest thing was watching twitter go crazy and see all the comic people try to let everyone know he was dead in some original funny joke. Ha. Most we're lame. But these two made me laugh out loud.
"We just found out he's been killed. Its really awkward in my cab right now."

"So now we know what Jack Bauer's been doing since the end of "24"

Alright so watching facebook was a lot less funny. Everyone was either "ya lets use this as an excuse to get drunk and parade in the streets." or "What?! how dare you be glad he's dead. That's not christian." They both = Stupid.

I am so friggin glad we caught him and that he will no longer be in any position to harm anyone. If your not...then your dumb. Just saying. Am I glad he's dead? Well if I had the choice of him being out and about or caught...I'd pick the ladder. Do I think we should rejoice in his death? No. But I do believe we have a reason to be thankful that our troops did an amazing job carrying out orders. God be with them.

Okay back to less intense topics. Sunday also marked the one year anniversary of the Nashville flood. I was with my girls on our retreat up in Franklin, Tn when it all hit. We were also some of the last to be in the hotel before it became a swimming pool. Here's a few pics...

Aww man I love those girls. Alright if you've read this far...I'm proud. If not, then you can count on me judging you at this very moment. haha Just kidding.

Ive started this thing where I add a random pic...but its not really random because its something I love. So I leave you with this.

(You know its true. :)

Peace.

So much

2011-05-02T19:22:00.004-05:00

Holy cow. So much happened yesterday and I thought I was gonna take this time to go to Starbucks and update this thingy on all the news going on....but Chelsea and I are about to head over to Barry and Emily's for a little game and movie night. (If you read that really really fast its like a rap. haha)

So tomorrow or later tonight I'll hopefully get my thoughts out...because I have many. Until then remember this-

Dover!

2011-05-01T20:07:00.015-05:00

Chelsea, Clint and I made our way up to Dover, Tn around 7:30 this morning. We were in the rain most of the way but once we got to Clarksville it lightened up. We arrived and instantly we were greeted like old friends. They were all so wonderful.

I met a precious girl named Karly today. :)

Here is Granny B and I. So much love from her.

Here's everyone from lunch. Love them.

The entire thing was such a blessing!! It was beyond anything I could of imagined. After church they took us all out to lunch where I tried some catfish and some sort of pickle thing..Catfish was good...that green thing..not so much. haha Oh but the peach cobbler and cherry pie were to die for. So good!!

Clint and Chelsea did an amazing job! Kudos to Clint for the awesome piano skills and Chelsea for being our amazing encourager and swag coach. I could not of had this opportunity without them!

I made some amazing memories today. I can't wait to see what comes next in this chapter. Alrighty off to bed. But before I go I will leave you with this. Peace

Coming up for air

2011-04-30T19:20:00.005-05:00

The past couple of days have been pretty good. Here's some highlights:

Monday my good friend Laura, who's been at semester at sea got back. Its wonderful having her home.
Thursday was our last office party which was nice seeing everyone.
Last night Chelsea and I went over to my sisters prom, to see her senior walk. She looked gorgeous! Afterwards we meet up with Laura and went down to Fido's, where I ordered my usual iced Pink Monkey. *yum* While there we ran into Miss Taylor Swift. Yep. Non of us are huge, huge fans so we didn't go over and say anything, but it was super sweet seeing her interact with some of her fans as we were all kicked out when they closed. We then spent the night hanging out and just having some fun.

Today consisted of laundry, getting rid of stuff that I don't want to move, cleaning out my car, and we were able to fit in a practice for tomorrow morning. I'm super excited for tomorrows opportunity in Dover! Alrighty I need to go and get some other things ready. Super stoked for tomorrow! 6am comes early.

Peace.

p.s-Random, amazing picture! (Its chalk btw.) You know you want Batman to save you too. :)

2011-04-27T23:12:00.002-05:00

Found this on a blog awhile back. Thought it was hilarious so I saved it. :) Alrighty that's all for today. I have a long work day tomorrow. night

Pictures!

2011-04-26T22:44:00.010-05:00

Alrighty so for Easter my family and I went up to Cookeville to visit my aunt whom has been in the hospital ICU for the past 70 days. My sister and I decided to drive separately so we could have some sista-sista time. We ended up hitting a really bad accident and the traffic was backed way up so we got off the interstate and took 70 the rest of the way. It was a blast!

Jammin to some Bieber until we hit traffic then I drove the rest of the way. We had a blast!

She took my camera...

I'm totally not looking at the camera here. lol

Last night I got to swing by the Taylors for game night. I hadn't seen any of them for a couple of weeks. We had a blast! I then went to Starbucks to meet my dear friend Laura whom has been gone at sea for the past four months. I'm so glad she is back!! Today the K-sistas(Chelsea, Laura and I) went to the Coffee house cafe. It was splendid! Such an amazing summer awaits us!!
Okay I'm off to bed...well actually an air mattress. I'm spending the night at my parents. Bad storms are a comin. Stay safe. g'nite

2011-04-22T18:44:00.002-05:00

Its a day late, but I'm trying here, I'm trying.

Alright so I've changed a lot in the last couple of months. I've been able to experience true freedom. Freedom to be myself. And I'm sixteen again, with a heck of a lot more wisdom in some areas but the carelessness of my sixteen year old self. The Lord has opened my eyes to another level of freedom.

Sure I might embarrass myself a lot more (dunno if that's possible. lol) but I'm not afraid of what people think of me. I'm about to be twenty-four, have a Justin Bieber ringtone, and crazy sparkly fingernail polish BUT I'm me.

I've been listening to a lot of "non-christian" music. I put that in quotations because I dont believe there is "non-christian" and "christian" music. The lyrics are either filled with truth or their not. And whats CRAZY is I've discovered so much more "non-christian" music that have better lyrics then whats playing on the local christian radio. Here is just one of my favorite songs of the moment.

"It's never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called
Standing on the frontline when the box starts to fall
I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames
Calling out my name....
So I pray for a favour like Esther
I need your strength to handle the pressure
I know there will be sacrifice
But that's the price"

You cant tell me thats freakin awesome. And it was written by Mrs. Katy Perry

Alright my friend just pulled up so I'm gonna go and complete this later.

Peace.

2011-04-10T23:01:00.004-05:00

I cant seem to update this thing on a daily basis.

If you haven't watched the trailer I just posted, you are doing yourself a great disservice. It documents the life of several of the Lost Boys from Sudan, the first time they see a shower, a grocery store and ect. Its incredible.

Stuff for Romania is coming along, not exactly at the pace I would like, but if that were the case I wouldn't be able to exercise as much faith...ya its hard but I know God will provide. :)

I went into Walmart tonight to grab some things and Chelsea and I were bombarded twice by some kids wanting to sell these book things to help pay for their books for college and they would also win a free spring break trip.

One of them said this to me "Are you single? Because I enjoy long walks on the beach and short walks to the bed."....Okay...I've come to the point where stupid things like that don't even faze me anymore. I just looked and him and said "Well at least your not pretending like you really care about the relationship when all you want is sex." He just laughed. And I said something like I don't have money and we walked to our car.

Stupid. Stupid. Boys.

Other than that awkwardness it was good weekend. Alright time for bed 6am comes early. I'll update more on what I've been doing later. Night.

p.s- Be praying for a family by the last night LaRocca and Runner. They just lost one of their sons named Matthew (whom was 13) to a brain tumor. I had the privilege of being able to spend some of his last Christmas with him. He was a sweet, sweet boy whom is now with Jesus.

God Grew Tired of Us Trailer

2011-04-09T14:08:00.001-05:00

2011-04-05T19:38:00.003-05:00

Alright, so I am horrible at updating this thing and Josh also mentioned last night that I should start logging my days. So I'm gonna try to do this before some of my youth meet me for coffee. :) I love when my phone goes off and its one of my them calling to want to hang out. Their still "mine". hehe

Okay so I havent been up to a whole lot. Last week my mom went out of town to visit her sister. So Sunday my dad recruited me to clean the house before she got back. (bonus- I got paid.)

Romania is getting closer and closer. :) I want to thank you so much for the ones who've already donated!! It means so much. You guys are the reason I'll be able to go! We are supposed to have our itinerary here soon, and once I do I'll post it.

On a sad note, I need new headphones and a new computer. This one is about to bite the dust, if I can get it to turn on we're good. haha

Today was lovely. Worked then came home and took an amazing four hour nap. (see previous post for my sleep schedule. ) I went over to my parents for dinner where we watched some Dog the Bounty Hunter. (Dont judge. We love that show. haha)

2 hours later~

Coffee with my hooligans was wonderful! I love them so much and we always have a blast. I'm gonna try to post some pictures tomorrow. I'm getting in bed to hopefully be asleep before midnight. :) night!

I'm going to Romania!!

2011-04-02T12:43:00.000-05:00

My Time Schedule. For real. haha

2011-04-01T00:27:00.000-05:00

2011-03-31T16:08:00.001-05:00

To help send me to Romania click the "Donate" button. Over to the left. :) <<<<<
Love ya!

Hip hop violin swag.

2011-03-17T18:02:00.002-05:00

Hip Hop Violin Medley performed by Josh Vietti. Okay so I'm about to run out the door to meet a friend for some Panera. But enjoy this vid until I come back. This guy is sick. I love it.

Powerful Haiti Kids Stand With Japan!

2011-03-15T22:36:00.001-05:00

#prayforJapan

2011-03-11T16:57:00.003-06:00

SOTDOR~ #prayforJapan (not a song but the only thing been going through my head.)

I just got done seeing my best friend, whom I've missed seeing. But it was wonderful getting to catch up. We've been close for ten years...its crazy how God can bless us with such amazing relationships in out lives. Love you Bethany..soon to be Mrs. Hale. :)

I haven't been able to get Japan out of my head...right now its 8am there...people are waking up to nothing less than havoc. I can not imagine. Those pictures rip me to shreds....someone send me on a plane and I will go through rubble, hand out food....do whatever...God...Save them. Touch their souls.

Recently I've had a lot of people close to me going through a lot of crap. Not just family but friends too...its been rough to see and not be able to just fix everything. Blah! It drives me nuts. But I have and trust in a God who can truly touch souls and change hearts...

peace

modge podge

2011-03-04T15:30:00.006-06:00

Today~
SOTDOR- Next to you- Chris Brown

Okay so this is a combination of several posts I made but never actually published. lol

News would be there's a possibility I'll be going to speak at some church's about my upcoming trip. I just finished a small bio of my ministry involvement...so I'm super stoked to be used in whatever way God see's fit. My friends and I have been thinking about how this could be a door to more and awesome things. I'll update again hopefully sooner than later.

Peace
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Several days ago:
Last month my tags were due and due to my car being stupid...I didnt pass. So I had to buy a temporary tag and it was gonna cost about $1300 to fix it. Ya like I have that kind of money. lol

So we were able to try something to help it pass and today we put that theory to the test. And it passed! Heck yes. I'm so friggin happy. No need to worry about that now. Praise Jesus.

Right now I'm chillin and just spilled coffee on my WHITE shirt. lame. haha

So Chelsea is coming to join me and we're gonna go to a friends bonfire...hopefully it wont rain. okay peace.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Last Saturday~
Last night we did get rained out. So. We went driving around and just a lot of random fun. We came back to sb to meet Clint, which was just perfect timing to see some of the youth. We waited for him to show up and hung out with some of the youth before we left to go to dinner. We stayed out until about one talking which was a lot of fun.

I woke up this morning around 11:30 to my phone ringing. My daddy called and asked if i could take him to pick up his car and if I wanted to go up to Cookville to see my aunt who's been in the hospital for about three weeks.

I spent today in the Cookville ICU. We had a lot of fun though. I showed them this app I have called Voice Machine. Its where you record your voice and then you have the option of either speeding it up to make the recording sound like a chipmunk or slowing it down to make me sound like a black women. It. was SO. funny.

Eminem, Bieber and Jesus

2011-03-03T18:40:00.007-06:00

SOTDOR(song of the day on repeat) goes to I need a doctor- Dr. Dre.

Woke up today so extremely tired....bleh I did not want to work. But it ended up going by fast. Praise the Lord. I came back home and was able to grab a good nap.

I met up with Kelli and Josh at my second home. It was. Wonderful. I freakin love those guys. They have been nothing but supportive and encouraging. I dunno what I'd do without them in my life. I love you guys.

They have been the first people to help reach my goal of 100 people giving $20 bucks to help me go to Romania.

Only 98 to go!! Woop!

We discussed everything from Eminem, Jesus, halo and of course Justin Bieber. haha I love it.

Now I'm just chillin getting ready to meet some other people for a unofficial Bible study. I'm pretty stoked! No worries I'm not going to be passing out papers or anything...O my gosh I can't tell you how much I hate when people pass out papers like we're in friggin school...alright I'm coming down from my soap box now. lol

Alright I better go. But before I do. This is my dream

<<<<<< Where can I sign up??

Loads to update

2011-03-01T16:48:00.004-06:00

Okay its just like the title says I have loads to update all you peeps on.

First things first: I created a new Itunes playlist. Swag. Yes. Its called swag. And there is only one white singer in the whole playlist. haha Its becoming my favorite ev.

Hmm I also recently purchased a new pair of awesome sunglasses. Your jealous I know you are. jk.

So this past week has been really good. I've been working my butt off. Makin bank though. Ha! Not really. But enough to my those ba sunglasses and a new pair of toms. :)

This weekend...actually I cant remember what I did...uhh I'm about to be joined by my partner (Chelsea) in crime for everything lately so I'll ask her what I did when she gets here. So I'll come back to this...

I'm about to purchase these toms. They say "Journey is the destination." I'm so pumped for them. You can say they are for my new trip coming up....yeah. New trip. *huge smile!!*

Okay so you know how I've mentioned Romania in a couple of these posts....well Sunday I put my first non-refundable payment down.
I'm going to be going to work with young women ages 12-20 whom have been rescued from prostitution. I'm so friggin pumped!!
I'm going to have to raise about two grand for the trip....but I think I have enough awesome people around me who believe in what I've been called to do to help me out. I'll be doing most of the raising right here on this good ole blog. Basically I've broken it down to this- If I can find 100 individuals to give $20, I'll be set. More details will follow later this week. But right now just be praying if your supposed to help. :)

Okay now back to what I did...well we're thinking. Hold on. Okay Saturday night I went to the Awakening. Which is an amazing worship service/prayer put on my some close friends of mine. Afterwards we all went to O'Charlies for some much needed dinner and great discussion. Sunday was church, nap and a good nap and a random walmart run around 10 with Clint and Chelsea.

Okay so I must come to a close. And my wisdom of the day is...

Do. NOT. under ANY circumstance watch Lady GaGa's video born this way video. Unless you want to see lady baby makin parts and unicorns. You have been warned.

peace.

2011-02-28T23:43:00.002-06:00

Amen. Off to sleep. Hopefully I'll actually catch some Zzzz's unlike last night where I laid awake until about two thirty am. g'nite world.

Last Sunday post put up late. :)

2011-02-21T15:16:00.004-06:00

Salted Carmel Frappuccino. I've never had one, but Ray is making me one. So this weekend was really good. I went with my parents and my uncle to Cumberland Falls in Kentucky to see a Moonbow. Yeah, its legit and awesome!

Before we went up to Kentucky we stopped in Cookville to see my aunt whom just had some major surgery on her legs due to blood clots. She's doing better but will probably be in the ICU for another week or so. Prayers are always appreciated.

What was only supposed to take us three hours from Cookville to the Falls took about four and a half hours. Ha! But the drive was wonderful. I stuck my earbuds in and rocked out most of the way.

God has been so crazy good. I have an opportunity to go to Romania this summer to work with some girls whom have been rescued from prostitution. The whole idea has gripped my heart like no other. I don't have the money to go, but I know if I'm meant to go I will. :) Alright gotta run my friend just walked in. I'll post again hopefully soon.

Also I'm now a proud twitter-er. Follow me at Jennations87 :)

2011-02-07T22:02:00.005-06:00

I'm unsure on where to begin. I'm tired of living this comfortable life as a decent Christian. I have found myself crying over the lost, giving up their lives for their "truth". How they desire to be "good" people, living for their "god" in order that they may gain eternal life. They give their lives for it.
I've been faced with the reality of giving up everything I own, to step out into the unknown. In every way. Physically, emotionally and spiritually. This has been stewing inside for a while. I can no longer wait for what I want to happen in order so I'm more comfortable doing what I believe the Lord has called me to. I believe in waiting for Gods timing, but I also realize how we can delay or tell the Lord "wait, I'm not ready yet." No more. This heart of mine won't allow it. I find myself caring less about what I thought I wanted and more about the exact opposite. And it scares the hell out of me. But I suppose that's part of it. I'm excited to see all what this next season will
hold.

This summer I may go here. Romania

p.s- If you haven't already heard of him you need to look up Yann Tiersen. He is absolutely incredible. I remember listening to him way back when and I re-discovered him again. Songs such as Rue des casades, Le Demarche and Comptine D'un auntre ete are among my favorites.

2011-01-25T00:45:00.003-06:00

I never thought I could stand coming home to an empty apartment. (I have a roommate but she's out of town a lot and we have completely different schedules.) I'm alright walking into a house with out anyone to greet me, or ask me how my day was. I know if not all or most of you would completely disagree, but if this is all I know I suppose I don't know what I'm missing. Its very possible that I may never know. For now I will learn to be content with life.

Tonight I went over to the Taylor's for game night. Played some fish bowl.(I'm terrible. Don't allow me to play on your team if your competitive.) We then spent most of the night reminiscing about our lovely high school years. Sometimes when memories are brought up...I feel as if I don't even recognize the girl I used to be. Young, naive and emotional are probably the best three words to describe me.

I don't regret, but heck if I had known what I know now...I would be a completely different person...I hope. lol. Alright its late. 6am comes early.

Best Sunday Ev.

2011-01-16T15:11:00.002-06:00

And its not even over yet. I went to Life(life assembly)today. I went to the first service with my parents so we could go to Rick's class during second service. We read through the last couple verses of Ephesians 4...and I've heard that chapter SO much this past year...but we had more discussion and depth then I've had on it all year. It was lovely. And it was nice that all the adults liked having me in there as well. ;)

Afterward's I headed downtown for a potluck at a community house. Oh it was so grand! Young kids playing in the yard...all from different families choosing to live together in a ghetto neighborhood. To be Jesus. What a thought? I loved it. I'm excited to go back next weekend. Alrighty some friends of mine just walked in so I'll finish this post later.

But bottom line is- today was wonderful. And I'm soo excited for this new year! God is awesome.

2011-01-16T00:59:00.005-06:00

Saturday has been fun. Spent the morning laying around. Around 11 I went down to Lipscomb to see a couple of friends I hadn't seen since Christmas break. Afterward I went back to my parents house for some freakin awesome chicken Chili and good conversation with David Payne.( c.s lewis) He's not really c.s Lewis but he portrays him in a play he does touring around America and Europe. Him and his wife moved back to England but he's going to be staying with my parents for the next three weeks to get all the loose ends tied up. Anyway I adore anyone that calls me love when I'm leaving. So adorable...even if its done by a sixty year old English man. ;)

After that I caught up with Chelsea to do some errands and ended up spending some money. lol That's always fun. After a nice night of some small shopping I dropped her back off at Starbucks, where I ran into some old friends of mine. I love these guys so much! Their real people...whom love Jesus...and they smoke, cuss and drink. I know for all the legalistic Christians its hard to believe that people can do all that and love Jesus...and they don't need "deliverance". They enjoy life with out being addicted. Yes its possible. Anyhow that's gotten me thinking a lot about how much other "Christians"judges others for their "indecencies"...it pisses me off so much.

<<<<
This is a stamp I wish I could have in those situations of legalistic, judgemental Christian's.

Anyway its late and I should go to bed, that was my day. Hope yours was lovely. ;)

Change. Possibly an understatement this time.

2011-01-08T23:39:00.001-06:00

My first post of the new year. Change has begun.

First things first. I am no longer a "youth leader". I officially resigned last Monday. Friday came and I told all the youth it was my last night. A little bittersweet if I'm being honest. Spent a year being their for them every Friday...I get a little teary eyed just thinking about it. But its time for me to go, and for the Lord to work some other things inside me. Whats nice is I'm still going to hang out with the girls, in fact I'm getting coffee with one of them next Monday. A friendship should never be based off the fact we go to the same church. Because reality is, we are the church. No matter where we go to fellowship.

Christmas and New Years were wonderful. I spend the night at my parents on Christmas eve, then that morning my immediate family, and my Uncle Tom and Aunt Judy joined us. Had lunch with all of them then that night I went over to Tim and Denna's for dinner. It was over all wonderful.

New Years was lovely. God dressed up with the girls, but that didn't last long. Stopped by the Smiths to say hello, then went over to Laura's for the rest of the night, but last minute we decided to go back to my apartment. After we were there Ron, Alex and Levi decided to join us girls. It was so much fun. We had a lot of fun watching the lame ball drop and trying to dance to the music afterward. That was just sad. haha

Then on the heels of Christmas and New Years I knew it was time for me to step down and leave EG. I'm so excited to see what God is going to do. I've decided to take a sabbatical from any staff position in a ministry for awhile. It gives me time to rest and chill.

Alright I could write more but I'm exhausted and my head is killing me. Time for bed. Perhaps inception.

Art

2010-12-10T17:32:00.001-06:00

What is art?

A couple of weeks ago I went to the Frist with my parents to see the birth of impressionism. As I was walking around with my little headset matching everyone else, I found it interesting that we were all their to honor the masterpieces before us. But as I was people watching more then I was actually looking at the paintings I found it interesting that we called these pieces of parchment with paint on them art. When in fact we were the true art pieces. We were created by the most original creator, to reflect something greater than ourselves.

Also I've been doing a great deal of study of "healing". Being surrounding my more charismatic thinkers, its been hard for me to just take what they say at face value. Which is not a problem at all, in fact I believe we always need to be thinking and holding up everything to the word of God.

But what happens when in doing so you completely disagree? Bleh. I found this quote and I wish to share it with you.
"I’m healed they proclaim, even though they can be in tremendous pain. Isn’t that called lying when your not telling the truth. Would you go around and say you're the president of a company that you are presently only an employee of, just because you desire that position. If you were caught doing this they would say your lying . Try cashing a check as that president when you're not and see what happens! This is what we see happening in the faith movement, its not faith its pride, presumption, and sometimes even fantasy."

I have many more thoughts on this subject but that quote really made a lot of since. Well I better be off. Instead of youth we are doing a 6 hour lock in with NLA tonight. I'll hopefully update sooner than later. And I also hope it snows this weekend. :)

2010-11-25T16:22:00.005-06:00

This morning started off by meeting my family and extended church family at the airport to send the Bolivia team off. I'm uber jealous but also super excited for them.

A very un-traditional Thanksgiving day but lovely non the same. Went to Cracker Barrel for lunch with the Gomez's, stopped by Starbucks and then picked up a red box for tonight. Shutter Island with the parents, should be fun. hehe

Last night went to the Cheesecake Factory with my family and the Gomez's for our Thanksgiving dinner, which was soo good. Then they all went to Walmart afterward for a last minute run. I went to H2H for the annual Thanksgiving feast. Hung out there for a bit then the guys and I decided to go and see a movie. It wasn't a typical movie experience because this women kept walking around the theater acting like she was looking for someone. Then at one moment she went and sat right infront of us and called out for "George". When no one answered she got up and finally left the theater. We think she may have been tripping or just really lost.

I cant believe that Christmas is exactly a month away. I need to start my list...I've decided that this year I'm either going to make it OR buy it from a non profit ministry. I'm super excited!

p.s-I found this and love it.

Well,

2010-11-18T17:13:00.003-06:00

My head is swimming with thoughts. At first I thought I would try to make it to the shore, but I have been too caught up in the waves of confusion and the unknown. Sometimes I wonder if things such as love, life and eternity are much more simpler than we think. We try to over analyze, and categorize the things we don't understand. In reality we are just creating piles.

1 Peter talks about trials and being steadfast through them. Wanting us to understand that which we have inherited. 2 Peter goes on to tell us of the character we should not just have, but should possess. Like a flower that produces nectar. Its not something we put on but that which our soul bleeds.

I apologize if my thoughts are scattered and vague. But I can't seem to find any more words at the moment.

The Lord has been good. Speaking to me through his word and others. All tying into making me the person I am intended to be.

Changing leaves

2010-10-11T17:15:00.003-05:00

Drama=status updates on Facebook. I never knew I could create such a stir by a quote I posted. haha. I was misunderstood(no surprise there) but most people found it wonderful and completely agreed. If you weren't able to get into the action and still want a good laugh go and check it out.

The leaves have started their journey to a colorful painting. Now if only the temperature could catch up.

How much is life like that? Your surroundings change but for some reason your feelings can't seem to catch up. Are we still stuck in summer? I actually surprising don't feel like that this year. Well not yet.

This weekend was a flash. It came. And it went. Friday was...well its just not even worth mentioning. Except when Chelsea, Cory, Rachel and I decided to hit up Chili's. Yum. *wink smile*

Saturday I was able to sleep in...which was glorious. I met Mrs. Emily in providence for some coffee and shopping. You will be proud of me. I bought nothing, except coffee of course. I had a wonderful time. She's a doll. That night Chelsea, Laura and I hung out a bit. Heart to heart conversations in the middle of Walmart are the best.

Sunday was busy. Went to lunch with my family which was nice. We were discussing our very nontraditional Thanksgiving plans for this year. My sister is leaving for Bolivia Thanksgiving day so we were discussing celebrating it early. I'm uber jealous of her. But I know she is going to have a fantastic time! After lunch, Emily had to work and my dad also had to go back to the office to complete some things. My momma is redoing the downstairs bathroom and needed to go and buy all the fixtures, mirrors and things. So we spent the whole day bathroom shopping. She found a light at Lowes she wanted that was $80. Well by the end of the day I managed to find lights, a mirror and some paintings ALL for $45!! I don't mean to gloat, but we did good! :)

I'm still planning on going up to Chicago sometime next month. I'm so excited and its already muchly needed. I can't wait!

Okay so enough with the surface stuff. lol I currently can't put Hebrew's down. Have you ever read that thing?? If you grew up in a christian home then you always heard that no mater how many times you read a section of the Bible the Lord can always point out something new. Well that's extremely cliche and true. One of my goals is memorize parts of it....its still only in the goal faze though.

With everything that's been going on the last couple of months and with Friday not helping...I'd been really discouraged...and even though nothing about my surrounding have changed...my feelings have. Well for now anyway. I'm a girl so don't count on them staying that way. haha
I am here right now, and I have people who love and are completely open with me. When I know they can't be with others around them and visa-versa. I'm not about putting on a good show or bringing others along beside me so I can "help" people. The only thing I can do is point them to the one who can really not only help but give them a fresh start. If that's the only reason why I'm here right now then its all worth it. The Lord is good.

Before I go I wanted to share a website with all you girls! I fell in love with Etsy a while back and recently I found these guys on there and you have to check them out!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/bellachicdesigns

Have a rest of a happy Monday.

2010-10-06T16:45:00.005-05:00

My apologies for the depressing blog. hehe

So I had a money scare yesterday. You know when you check your bank statements and it doesn't line up with what you have down. Then your stomach starts to tense up and you want to start shaking or something? Yep that was me last night. After an hour went by I finally was able to clear it up. I'm poor and good. Nothings really changed. haha

Tuesday I woke up and wasn't at all tired which is very rare for me. After work came up, took a shower, eat lunch and crawled back into bed. Which at that point realized I was still very much sleepy. Four hours went by and I came up to Starbucks. I can't wait to get my wireless router. I'll never have a reason to leave the apartment. I'll be like the cat lady whom never leaves her house, minus all the cats.

In other news, I'm going to try to go up to Chicago sometime soon. I've been looking at tickets and I can go up for less than $150 both ways. I'm uber excited.

I also came across this book in my little library called The Bond of Love by David McKay. Scott made me by it years ago when the christian book store was going out of business in Opry Mills. That should give you some sort of indication of how long its been sitting on my shelf, which is a while to say the least. I never knew how much I would love this book. Its incredible. I can read only about four pages a day, its so jam packed full of amazing stuff.

I also ran into The recently married Mr. and Mrs. Taylor. That was very lovely! I miss seeing them. I'm looking forward to our game night next week. Taboo here I come! :)

I have youth tomorrow night, which I'm excited about. I'm still not exactly positive what I'm going to be talking about...but I think I have idea. Its going to have more of a small intimate bible study feel instead of what we usually have. I'm looking for discussion and ideas. What still amazes me is that they are so open and honest with me.

Yesterday I discovered while going over my pay stubs that my raise wasn't consistent. I spoke to my boss to make sure I wasn't crazy so he's going to back pay me.

Well I need to go and finish getting ready for tomorrow night. Night.

2010-10-05T18:31:00.004-05:00

Let me just say I'm sorry I haven't been updating this thing like I said I would. At the current moment I do no have a wireless router at the apartment so whenever I want to update this I have to go somewhere.

Life has been good. Not gonna lie. A lot of things have been changing and shifting with in my heart and its for the best. Working down town has been going very well. I seem to have finally gotten a grip on everything. Church is good.

I had been very discouraged there for a little while. I happened to be in the restroom after church and two ladies walked in(who do not have youth). They started discussing my "teaching ability". Anyway the statements that were said really hurt. Things like "I don't understand what Jen does for the youth anyway." to " Do we really even need her back there?" Needless to say they walked out and never knew I was present.

The things exchanged that day hurt. I'm not going to lie. But the Lord has been good and to be honest I haven't given it much more thought. The youth have been more than encouraging. You have no idea. I have been more than blessed to be apart of a group of teens who are willing to be so open and honest with me. I love them so much. Well I need to go and finish up some reading. I promise I will update again within the next week. :)

Jen

Concussion? Yep.

2010-09-14T15:25:00.000-05:00

I'm a couple days behind on this thing and I apologize. This past weekend was stressful to say the least.

Friday was full of tears. I'm not going to get all religious and not admit that it wasn't awful, because it was. Bleh. I've definitely learned some lessons from it though. Like how easily trust can be broken between two people. Its going to take time to redeem what has been undone but I know its possible.

Sunday was youth Sunday and they were wonderful.

Now Monday(yesterday) was interesting. I worked seven hours and within the first two I had managed to give my self a concussion. As I was cleaning the baseboards on the stairs in the main lobby I stood up real fast and smacked the back of my skull against the metal railing and blacked out for a few seconds. I fell back on the stairs and just sat there in shock. I'm surprised nothing came out of my mouth. The whole thing stunned me. After I couple of minutes of being on the stairs I decided to stand up....I was dizzy (not good) so I called my dad and told him what happened.

Back in YWAM I had done something similar only then I passed out for a few minutes...which wasnt good. I went to the doctors and I had managed to give myself a bad concussion.

So back to yesterday- I called my boss to let him know what had happened and my dad forced me to call him every hour just to make sure my symptoms hadn't gotten worse.

After work I went home and decided to just lay down for a while. Which didn't really work because my phone rang every hour to make sure I was still alive. lol

Last night after I had taken something for the pain I went over to Kelli and Josh's new home. It was wonderful. We had some great conversations and played some awesome games like Taboo and Apples to Apples which is the most fun when its played with them! Nothing is off limits which is just soo funny! I needed that more than anything.

After their house I went to my parents house so my dad could check on me again. Last night was bad. My head started really pounding and the nausea and dizziness set back in. After talking with them they had convinced me to stay there for the night.

This morning(actually this afternoon) I woke up and I feel a lot better. My head still hurts but not nearly as bad as it did. Well I need to go before this thing becomes a novel.

Jen

Canceled

2010-09-07T16:32:00.005-05:00

So my little eharmony adventure ended as fast as it began. The next day I called and canceled. Now before you jump to any wrong conclusions let me inform you why. After subscribing I received a ton of matches, but something wasn't right. There was nothing wrong with the website or things that made me feel uneasy about it. I just knew the Lord was trying to tell me something.The best way to describe it would be as if you walked into a room and all the picture frames to the actual door entry ways were all slanted to one side. Nothing major but still not perfect. So after a little debate I canceled. I also got my money back which was wonderful.

Work has been going great. I get my raise in two days! He said we have to do the whole evaluation but he said I already have it due to the "wonderful work" I've been doing. God is good.

I don't know if I ever talk about this but I love to craft! I have recently discovered the power of a glue gun! I have made everything from headbands to a new cover for my Bible. I'll have to post some pictures of all the craftiness I've been doing.

Also the past couple of weekends have been crazy busy. If you haven't heard already Josh and Kelli are now married! They make me so happy. So that weekend was crazy due to all sorts of wedding stuff. I'm so honored to have been apart of it. :) Then yesterday my daddy called and asked if I wanted to go hiking with him and mom. I said I would only go if Em went too. So we all decided to go. No bribing was involved. Ha! It was a ton of fun.

Well I better get going going, I'm starving and I need to eat. :) Update soon.

My new blog idea

2010-09-02T17:02:00.003-05:00

September is here!

The summer has gone by so quickly and nothing like what I had expected. Now before I jump into this I must state my reasoning.

For the past couple of years I have been debating back and forth to try one of those laughed at, made fun of and looked down upon dating services.
For the next several weeks I am going to be blogging about my experience on eHarmony. Yes eHarmony. Who knew? If anything else this will be fun light hearted experience.

Day one of this lovely fun.

I filled out all the information last night and let me tell you there are a ton of questions! I did my best to answer them as honestly as I could. Now with my questions answered I went to adding a picture. Now I did not want something to make me look like ho, or something that wasn't what I look like everyday. After those final steps all I had to do was wait for the matches to come in. After twenty four hours I had seventeen matches. Out of those I only saw two I was sorta interested in. One of those one has already sent me the first communication step. Which is they pick five questions out of hundred and I answer them then I in return send them five questions back to answer. So this is where I am right now. I guess we will what happens.

Alright well if you read any of that I'm proud of you and now you can go and do something more productive with your life. I'll keep you posted on the progress...or lack there of. :)

Twenty Three

2010-08-10T16:00:00.003-05:00

This is not where I thought I would be. But looking back I wouldn't change a thing. I've been compiling a list of facts, dreams and just random things I've been pondering.

1. Everyone says this, but I truly have the best family ever. Anyone else would of not known how to handle me. I love you guys.

2. Singing at the top of your lungs when no one is around.

3. I no longer fear men. Its been a transforming year.

4. I love my new comforter and have a hard time getting out of bed because of it.

5. Nail obsession. I paint them them every other day.

6. Why do we tip more than we tithe? Just wondering.

7. National Geographic. I cant get enough of it.

8. Driving with the windows down and the sunroof open need to to happen more often.

9. Thinking of all the wonderful stories Bethany and I came up with using our imagination makes me miss my childhood.

10. Pajamas. Why cant we just live in them?

11. Scifi. I miss the channel. I'm a nerd.

12. Youth girls. I love you more than I can express.

13. I've only had my ears pierced for three years. I hate needles.

14. This is the longest I've been in one spot since I've graduated HS.

15. I still dream like a little girl. Who will I be?

16. Change is the only thing constant.

17. I'm sitting on the floor of my bedroom writing this rather then my bed or chair.

18. Isaiah 54:5

19. "Peace if possible. Truth at all cost."- Luther

20. Someday is still my favorite song.

21. Eight countries done. One hundred and eighty seven to go.

22. Flowers. I love them.

23. and never been kissed.

Not easy

2010-07-29T23:04:00.003-05:00

Life is sometimes simply not easy. I wish my heart could handle situations better. I've been frustrated, hurt, confused and simply lost. I know that I have the Son of Man living within me, but I've been so submersed with myself I've lost not only focus, but who I am.

I'm not starting over, I'm getting back up. And it hurts. I'm selfish. This isn't where I thought I'd be in my life at this age. But it is. I find myself tearing up writing this and wondering if I did something wrong because there are promises in my life that have not been fulfilled. I'm waiting, and my flesh is tried. I haven't let the Lord carry what is his. What he paid for. But I want to help, I want to do it all, I'm a big girl. I can handle it. But truth is I cant. There is nothing I can do to hurry God. What a pride killing thought. I need these tears and this place of brokenness to birth peace that over rules my lack of understanding.

Because I know that compared to knowing Jesus I must consider those other things rubbish. I can not continue to sulk or just get by because I don't have what I want. I have the purest love I can come into contact with whenever I want. And there is nothing in this world more sweet than that. Its time to live again.

Thoughts

2010-07-05T19:32:00.007-05:00

of a busy girl. I havent had time to stop and write in such a long, long time. My heart has been troubled for a while. Have I become ignorant, just repeating what I've heard? Yes.

Its come to a time that I've started asking myself those hard questions we avoid. Have I put more stalk in "dreams" and "words" then scripture? The very words of God? Yes. I believe everything is spiritual. But that doesn't mean everything is supernatural. Not every dream we have is from the Lord, or a demon hiding behind a rock? Have we really become so ignorant to think that? Is the Lord not bigger then both of those? Have I left my mind at the door, and my Bible for only "serious" talks? I hope not....we are called to "test everything".

If we went back to testing the true prophets from the false ones, there would be less Christians using phrases like "The Lord showed me this" or "I feel like the Lord wants me to tell you something." If you got it wrong, and it didn't happen you were stoned. Bottom line. How many times have I personally used that, because I simply "felt" something.

Now if you made it this far congrats. ;) Don't go and get your panties in wad, this is just the trial my heart is in. I've found myself asking these very questions. Asking God "why"... You know its funny, I've heard it many times preached from the pulpit; how we are not to "question" God. I'm pretty sure even Job questioned God. The day we stop asking questions is the day we stop growing. I pray for that fire and passion to know the truth would catch on.

Now moving on to some pictures I took while on a fun adventure.

Corn Field I found past Watertown.

A tree by a brook.

Thoughts.

Dinner.

Church door.

New Beginning

2010-06-07T10:38:00.009-05:00

I'm moved in!

Moving day was lovely. I don't think I could of picked a hotter day to move. But Maddie, Chelsea, Ron and Jhason were wonderful. Only one thing broke, and I just need to nail it back together. We then went and had some Jets Pizza. (which is amazing.) Afterward I went back to the apartment took a shower and crawled into bed. That night I went to church then left early so I could show my parents the apartment.(They love it. Minus our creepy neighbors. lol)

Thursday I told my boss about me leaving. Which today was my last day. I"m gonna miss Pam, and all the funny patients who call. The staff bought me a card and gave me a very yummy ice cream cake. That was the last thing I was expecting. It was very nice of them. Well I start training for my new job this Wednesday, which I'm pretty excited/nervous about. But I know Emily will tell me everything I'm gonna need to know.

The Lord has been wonderful. He has provided an apartment and a way to pay the bills. I'm telling ya the Lord does not give you something and not provide for it. Its amazing to me how close this has all happened. I'm moved in to a new apartment and I'm about to start a new job. Its crazy!

I'll be working M-F 7am-11am with some two hour afternoon appointments twice a week. It's going to be so wonderful to get off early and have the rest of day off. Now there is also a downside of having to get up at 5:45 each morning. But I'll just go home and take a two hour nap. Its going to be good.

I've started walking through a new door and its bittersweet. The Lord has been teaching me a lot about what I spend my thoughts and time on. I'm learning what I can change and things I simply have no control over. I just finished reading 2 Samuel and Davids heart astounds me. He had such an understanding of the fear of the Lord. I desire to have more of that show up in my own life.

(Picture my Jeorgimages. She has an eye for beauty. See for yourself.) http://jeorgi.carbonmade.com/

Moving

2010-05-31T17:57:00.003-05:00

Man oh man I am lousy. I'm terrible at updating this thing.

I finally started packing yesterday. The walls of the room I've slept in for the last ten years are now bare. Its a bittersweet. And about time. I move in tomorrow and I'm so excited!

I'm really tired and have a lot on my mind besides the obvious moving so I'm going to bed. I'll update later when I'm all settled in. Night.

Change

2010-05-09T23:12:00.005-05:00

"Things are about to change."

That's an understatement. A little over a month ago I signed my first lease for an apartment. I'm so very excited. I'm going to be sharing it with a dear friend of mine. :) Two bedroom, two bath fireplace, and a lovely porch. And its very reasonable. Now with this I'm going to need to find a new job. (Which I need prayer for!) With my current job I'm going to have enough to pay my bills and that's it. Not even enough money to buy gas to get to work. My hours and days got cut right after I signed the lease. I had no idea it was coming. Bleh. The Lord has provided an amazing apartment for me, and seeing as I signed the lease I know He's going to provide me a job as well. I'm just getting a little nervous. We get the keys June 2nd. Be praying! :)

An another note youth has been wonderful. We just got back from our first separate girl and guys retreats. The boys went to Fall Creek Falls and ended up getting rained out. Well I should say flooded out. Minus the flood I believe they still had a good time. lol

I took the girls to Franklin, Tn. The plan was to go to Cheekwood Gardens, have a nice picnic, take some wonderful pictures and have a wonderful relaxing weekend. Ha! It was not at all what I had planned, but the Lord used it. We had to run from tornado's twice and the rain was terrible but the Lord had his hand on us the whole time. We spent most of the time in the hotel because everything was flooded. Thankfully we had a hot tub, plenty of nail polish and our Bibles. We were good. hehe

I enjoyed all the wonderful heart to heart conversations with those girls. They have my heart. I'm looking forward to what the Lord has for us. I'm ready and willing. :)

The Lord has been really speaking to me since that trip. I'm a little scared, because change is coming. And change can hurt, be scary and offend. In order to grow we are going to have change. I'm scared but I know that the Lord will give the right words at the right time.

Alright I could write so much more but I have to get some sleep for work tomorrow.

"For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth." ~ Isaiah 54:5

2010-03-12T12:46:00.002-06:00

Batter my heart, three-person'd God, for you

As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;

That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend

Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.

I, like an usurp'd town to'another due,

Labor to'admit you, but oh, to no end;

Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,

But is captiv'd, and proves weak or untrue.

Yet dearly'I love you, and would be lov'd fain,

But am betroth'd unto your enemy;

Divorce me,'untie or break that knot again,

Take me to you, imprison me, for I,

Except you'enthrall me, never shall be free,

Nor ever chaste, except you Ravish me.

Life

2010-02-22T11:47:00.003-06:00

Life is nothing what like what I was expecting. I'm working with youth now, which I love. Those girls have my heart. I'm very excited to see where the Lord is going to take us.

It was a lovely 67 degrees here yesterday. Man was my skin trying to soak up as much sun as it could. As I was sitting outside Starbucks I was reminded of my ywam days. How I miss not having all the distractions I have now. When it was just me and the Lord. I was truly at a place of peace. I'm still at peace, but I've lost some of that in certain areas of my life...

I've never been one to shy away from a conversation concerning my future husband. But as of late I catch myself having more and more moments of doubt in that ever happening. I know its just my flesh talking because of doubts and a lack of trust I have for the Lord, but man is it powerful.

I'm having to fight this very flesh I walk in and it can be so exhausting. My heart had been very recently attached to someone and thankfully the whole thing didn't leave me broken just bruised. I find it interesting that things concerning your heart can make you physically hurt. I know its all in the way the Lord so perfectly designed everything, but sometimes I would just like a break. lol

I have no idea what the Lord is planning for me, but I know it is good, and the best. Its time I start acting more like I believe that.

2009-12-16T09:10:00.012-06:00

*Things I've been grateful for as of late*

~ Red and pink flanel pj pants.
New pj's can make any girl smile, but these are not only super comfy but they were only $7. You cant beat it. :)

~ Iphone 3G

I was blessed to get an upgrade, and to be truthful sometimes I dont feel smart enough to have this little phone...well its realy like a computer in your hand. I do really love it.

~ Sigur Ros - Glosoli

This is peter pan at its best. I was introduced to this video back when I was in DTS and it blew me away. Its the magic of being a child. Inocence.

~ Burt's Bees lip Balm-

My lips would be bleeding and red all the time if it wasnt for this lovely little lip balm..gross I know. hehe

~ Peppermint White Mocha...yum

~ Yann Tiersen- rue de cascades
This man has God given talent, he absolutly blows my mind and inspires me to want to play like him one day.

~ Making Christmas gifts instead of buying them.

I havent always been "crafty" but working at JoAnns for a year can inspire anyone. I have found a real joy making jewelry, sewing scarfs and doing my artsy journal.

~ My black boots.

Every girl has to have a pair.

~ Having a job that I dont hate, that pays the bills. :)

I never thought I would be in this industry (Medical). We had a young girl come and drop by her resume trying to get a job seeing as she just graduated from Kaplan. It was so strange because I actually went and visited that school, so I could have a job like the one I have now. Its crazy to me how the Lord can open doors you never even thought existed.

~Christmas lights

~ The Civil wars- Poison and Wine

This is probably one of my favorite songs this year. Its just so soothing.

~ Piano

~ Friends

You all know who you are. And I love you. :)

~Isaiah 43:1-13 I love it...it just puts things into perspective.

Two years ago this whole passage was a good friend to me in Turkey. His words kept me going, when I thought I had sincerly reached my limit. Its funny how when you learn to let go and stop fighting how he fights for you.

Come to me

2009-11-25T15:35:00.010-06:00

This song has been shaping my life since 03, and it continues to do so. The heart behind this song
is something that I wish I could actually grasp. How much different would my life be if I actually understood his victory, his plan and his love?

Broken and battered your confidence shattered but I am still here. The things that you cling to they seem to just bring you right back to your fears. Were the nails and the spear in my side not quite enough to provide the victory you need in your life?

Come to Me, Come to Me. If you come to Me, it'll be all right now

Depression is ending this fairytale ending you've sought for yourself. Broken glass photographs that use to make you laugh sit on the shelf. And you'd change the frame if you could, but you're doing the things that you should, hoping that I'll think you're good enough

You're broken and shattered your body's been battered by what they call life. Depression is ending this life you've been spending wrapped up in your lies. And once in a while is not enough to show to Me what you call love. Don't waste my time words aren't all I want.

learning to love

2009-10-18T00:14:00.002-05:00

When your soul is sick, one of the symptoms is blindness. Bitterness, for instances, is like a cancer that makes you blind. I had allowed hurt to make my soul toxic. From my end, I was sure that I was just become a realist. In fact, I was desensitizing myself. Why risk being hurt more? I didn't realize I was becoming blind to love. Bitterness turned skepticism which turned to cynicism which turned to an emptiness of my soul. Bitterness is the enemy of love because it makes you unforgiving and unwilling to give love unconditionally."

"When love does not come to you it breaks your heart, but when you do not give love away it hardens your heart."

Both quotes are taken from a book I've been currently reading. The first one describes the state of my heart right before the summer. I was empty. I had accepted reality, that I was probably going to live the rest of my life alone. Why? Because I was bitter, hurt and jaded by so much. But the Lord spoke some very undenialable words to me. I had been pierced by a love willing to fight for me.

Walls around my heart have begun to fall. It has been scarier then hell. I have been feeling things I never thought I would again, and they are intensifing. My first instinct is to put walls back up to protect my heart. But I know if I do that my heart will harden. Hence the second quote is where I am now. I'm having to let my walls come down so Jesus can protect my heart instead. And he has, more than I can explain without going into detail. Dont get me wrong, it has been painful. And it hurts...expecially when you expose your heart. But I know from experience that if I dont let myself feel and love...I will be right back where I started.

I have no idea what the Lord is doing, but he has been my life line. Literally. You know how you have those seasons of your life where you feel like you can almost hear him audiably, like he is closer than your skin? I'm trying to soak this time up as much as possible. He is so good, and our hearts can be in no better hands than his.

Well I'm off to bed, didn't go to sleep till after five thirty last night and I have church in seven hours. G'nite.

Jennifer

Waking to rain

2008-09-05T06:35:00.001-05:00

How I enjoy waking up to the sound of small rain drops hitting my windows.

Being down with some virus this past week has made me spend a lot of time thinking of my future, and what I desire that to be. I admit the whole thought kinda scares me a bit, with the idea that my options are almost endless. But I know God has a plan, as cliche as that sounds.

The plan for today was to work from nine am till around five pm. But fate I suppose had another idea. I can't even explain to you how it happened, or the pain that decided to come with it. With out any warning is seems I accidentally bruised one of my ribs, or in the very least strained a muscle pretty bad. Here I am better from a stomach virus of some kind and the night before I'm supposed to go to work I injure one of my ribs?! I know a week from now I'll be laughing about this, but currently its just a pain.

I always feel terrible having to call out of work, its almost as if I get this idea in my head that if I say I'm not going to be able to come in, I'm going to be eternally judged for it. I know its probably silly, but I'm fearful that my boss is going to yell at me from the other end of the telephone, or ask for a darn good reason why I'm missing work. But Charlie(my current boss) doesn't, nor does he ever elude to the fact that he's disappointed. He always just wants to know if I'm going to be okay and if there is anything he can do? Perhaps this doesn't seem like a big deal to most of you, and maybe its not. Having in the past to answer to boss's who were workaholics, people caring more about being right then anything else or having grace and mercy on others was just a nice idea rather than an action...it is well appreciated to know that I am cared for by my boss in this world that we live in.

Well for those of you whom keep asking about my coffee idea and if there's been any progress with making the dream a reality, the answer to that one is...no not yet. Like I said up at the beginning, I'm still thinking a lot about what I'd like to be doing and where God would like to have me...be praying though that some huge sign telling me where to go would smack me right in the face. :)

Well its off to sleep for me, there hasn't been much due to the lack of movement I can have...bleh. Well I'll update this again soon....hopefully. g'nite

Wondrous Colors

2008-08-19T13:54:00.000-05:00

I've had many thoughts brewing inside this little head of mine lately. With out giving too much away, while at work I stumbled across an idea book for gifts...this book didn't give me a new idea for a gift per-say but rather a new goal. I'm pretty interested to see where these new brewing thoughts will lead.

In other news, I'm now twenty one. Woho. :) That day I asked off of work, went to church, then my parents took me out for a good bite to eat and to top it all off with a lovely Strawberry Margarita. *yum* I have to admit though I didn't think I was going to be able to finish it, as most of you all know I'm a very slow drinker of anything. But I was determined to empty my first glass of legal liquor in the states.

As one of my birthday gifts I received the very praised book The Shack. I'm not nearly done with it, but its been decent so far. I'm not sure if I'm going to agree with everyones' opinion of how life changing it is, but that is always very subjective anyway.

I've been anticipating fall's arrival and I'm so very ecstatic to see the wondrous colors this year.

Fly

2008-06-30T00:33:00.000-05:00

I'm taking some time out of my night to write a few of my thoughts down. I don't think I documented this before, but I now have a job at Jo~Anns the craft store. I've been blessed with all the people I'm working with. My boss is so wonderful and understanding. He really understands how to to uplift and encourage his employees.

I'm still in the process of filling out paper work for Cambodia. I'm not a fan of all that it in tales, but it has to be done. Lately I've felt more and more distant and different. Most of my closest friends are now going in different directions than I. They seem to have found something here, whether that be school, work or a new boy/girl friend. Don't get me wrong, I can be content at times, but like I said before there is a growing desire to go. Some of this desire to leave of course has do with the fact I feel like I cant connect with people the same way I once could. The reason for this is no one's fault, people simply change.

I don't know what the Lord has planned for me, but I do know they aren't to harm me, but to bring me closer to Him. The pattern for that goal seems to be Him taking me across His world.

My heart is heavy and I feel as if I could start crying any moment. I'm just over tired, I think. More later when my thoughts are clearer.

2008-06-06T01:54:00.000-05:00

Update time.

Much has happened since the last time I wrote here. For the past two months I've been searching for a job, which turned out to be more of a challenge then I expected. But finally God smiled down and I was at the right place at the right time. I now have a job at Jo~Ann's. I'm very excited to begin working this Saturday where I will be get training on how to run the Customer Service desk. It's actually going to be very similar to the work I did when I was with Toys R Us. But I'm not complaining.

As most of you know, I've been waffling a lot on what to do with this next fall. I've tossed around the idea of Vol state, another job, or going back over seas. I believe I've received my answer. My goal for this coming fall/winter is to head over to Cambodia to help teach English in one of the Christian Schools some of my family's friends started. I'd go for about six weeks to get my feet wet and after that decide if I should stay longer or if it was only for those six weeks.

I have to admit being back in the states has been nice, actually wonderful but I've gotten very lazy. I've wasted a lot of time doing well...nothing. I've recently had some opportunities to get out and do somethings. For the past couple of Sundays I've attended Life Assembly where the Lord has re-conformed that He wants me to be going to Cambodia.

I've started writing in my journal again, almost every day and its been so refreshing to recall everything that Lord has been showing me. I don't know why, but I keep getting that Jesus doesn't want me sitting still. I'm not talking about just physically, but spiritually and emotionally as well. With traveling and seeing so many different kinds of people from all over the world....it has given me a new perspective. This beautiful earth I live on isn't my home...and I'm not just here because of chance...I'm here to live a life that Jesus himself has a hand in planning. I want to help show what's worth living for. Why I make the choices I make. Why I live the way I do.

Getting to know Jesus better this past year has been the most amazing, painful choice I've ever made. But the most rewarding. I hope to live a life thats reflective of the things He has been showing me inside. Well I could go on forever how much this past year has changed me, but alas it is two something in the morning. Plus I have to start thinking of ideas of a newsletter I'm going to send out. woho. :)

Jen

p.s- I can't get enough of Coldplay lately, and their new cd isn't even out yet. June 17th! Woot Woot!

2008-04-02T00:26:00.000-05:00

"At the cross you beckon me, you draw me gently to my knees and I am lost for words. So lost in love, I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered."

Embrace what you have, because you never know when its going to be gone. Leaving your home, friends, family and comforts is a challenge. I learned so much about faithfulness, compassion, being content and love.

Sometimes I don't even understand why the Lord blessed me to be able to travel as I have. Turkey was my fifth country I've visited. (not counting Canada and the US) Jesus taught me so much about how He truly desires to redeem whats been lost....its not just something He does, its something He wants. He puts up with my pride and selfishness, and He loves me. The Creator of everything I've seen from the Pyramids to the Parthenon...wants me.... I just shake my head in disbelief sometimes...some of the most intimate times I've spent with Him...have been on my knees in awe. He had to take me around the world, to show me some of the simplest things...it just blows my mind how faithful He is.

He healed a broken heart, I never thought would heal...and He's taken me around the world to show me who He is. "I'm lost for words, so lost in love."

~Jen

2007-11-30T13:25:00.000-06:00

I cant believe how fast these past two months have flown by. I'm only 26 days till I leave for Turkey! This week we had a man names Wick Nease and his wife come and speak on destiny. What a powerful message they brought that really spoke to my heart. How many times do I let my life be run by what others say about me, rather than what God says? Or I'll have the opposite problem where I come extremely passive on what I know I'm supposed to do. We have this problem so much in our church's today! It drives me insane! Our church's here in America need a lot of prayer....that God would just put a fire in the leaders heart to not just speak of change but to physically do something. I know thats something that God has been convicting me of. How many times do I just speak of change and become passive on the doing part. Well no more! Because I want more! I'm not going to be robed of what is rightfully mine. What God has given me. I'm going to push ahead!

If your reading this could you keep me in your prayers, because I'm in need of fellow Christians who believe in what I'm doing to come along side of me and support me monthly. I know God has called me to be in this place, but this isn't free...boy don't we wish everything could be free? hehe But yes just keep me in your prayers.

P.s- Go check this website out: http://www.streamsofmercy.org/
This is Wick and his wife's ministry that God has called them too. Check it out and let your heart me gripped by these beautiful kids!

Here

2007-11-21T22:14:00.000-06:00

This is my first attempt of writing on here, so bare with me. :)

Here is a little info of where I'm at in case you missed it. In September of this year I joined Youth with a Mission(ywam) up in Adams TN. I'm currently doing a Discipleship training school (dts), which is basically an introduction to missions and getting your heart right with God. I'm in my ninth week of the school and loving every moment of it!

We have a different speaker that comes in every week to stay with us, and do classes. We've had many topics such as evangelism, the father heart of God, forgiveness, original design, hearing the voice of God, strongholds, and many more. God's just been working on my heart and showing me that He desires to simply sit and have coffee with me.

Starting December 29th I'll be flying out to Turkey to do some work. I'm super excited for what God is going to do in these peoples lives.

Anyhow right now I'm sitting on the couch on Thanksgiving break looking forward to some homemade pumpkin pie. *yum*